


Episode 1 Babysitting

by katBr



Series: Season Six [1]
Category: New Girl
Genre: Alternate Season/Series 06, F/M, Gen, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-12
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-09-23 19:58:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9673799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katBr/pseuds/katBr
Summary: Schmidt has offered to babysit for his boss. How will that go? His friends are there to pitch in, so it should be smooth sailing, I'm sure.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first episode, in an alternate season six. Not that I don't like what's on TV, but I just started writing and it turned into an alternate season six. I love Reagan and Nick, so they are together. Schmidt and Cece bought the house we saw in 601. If you like it, please comment. This is new for me. I wrote it in script form, it makes it easier to read it in the character's voices. I hope you enjoy, and laugh.
> 
> This is all new to me. So should I continue to post my stories?

The Loft  
Cece: What do you mean you said yes?  
Schmidt: I had to I mean, I am still on probation at work.  
Cece: I know, I just don't know how we are going to handle it this weekend. I mean, I have to work, then there is a lecture for school that we were going to attend.  
Schmidt: About that...  
Cece: Schmidt!  
Schmidt: No, yes. Of course, looking forward to it. (Under his breath) Like I look forward to a root canal.  
Cece: What was that?  
Schmidt: Nothing, a lecture on women in society, their past and their future, sign me up.

Knock Knock  
Cece: Kim, come on in.  
Kim: Here he is. I also have his diaper bag.  
Cece: That's it, for the entire weekend? I would have thought you would have brought over a truck load of supplies and instructions.  
Kim: Oh, I did. Schmidt and a guy who thinks wearing a Hawaiian shirt is a good idea...  
Cece: Winston.  
Kim: Anyway they are down, unloading the SUV, right now.  
Cece: I see. Well, do you have any instructions?  
Kim, is on her phone  
Ding  
Cece: Oh, there it is. (Looking at her very detailed email)  
Just then the guys come in, weighted down by stuff.  
Kim: Okay, that's about it. So, I will see you Sunday night. Oh, and one more thing, screw up, even a little bit and you will wish all I do is fire you.  
Schmidt nods, very scared of the consequences

Later that day

Cece: Okay, so I have to go to work. Are you sure you got this? I would stay home but Paul is out this week.  
Schmidt: Go, don't worry, we got this. (Schmidt and Winston look at Cece, not instilling confidence.)  
After Cece leaves  
Winston: Tom is crying, Schmidt.  
Schmidt: Thanks for the newsflash, Winston!  
Winston: Well, I was just thinking maybe we should do something.  
Schmidt: Like what? I have never taken care of a baby before. Have you?  
Winston: Not really, but how hard can it be? We have both seen people do it on tv.  
Schmidt: I guess you should, ya know, maybe check his....  
Winston: Me, why me?  
Schmidt: Cause you are a cop, you handle dangerous situations everyday.  
Winston: No doubt, no doubt.  
Schmidt: Here's the diaper bag. (Getting the stuff ready)  
Winston: Okay, yeah. Now I know why he was crying. He will be five pounds lighter after we finish.  
Schmidt: Okay, have you got the diaper off yet?  
Winston: Wha!!!!!! Oh, no you didn't! (Winston gets sprayed)  
Schmidt: What's happening? (Schmidt gets sprayed) Ahh..... (He immediately throws up and is no more use to Winston)  
Winston: Come on man! Get it together!  
Another 20 minutes and two diapers later and Tom is dry. The kitchen, on the other hand, is the opposite of Schmidt's standards. Of course, Schmidt is half to blame for that situation.  
Schmidt: (talking on the phone) Okay babe, see you soon. Okay Winston, we don't have long to get this place together before Cece comes home.  
Winston: What's the big deal?  
Schmidt: If we let Cece see this mess, she will never let us forget it. She will never let your girlfriend forget it either.  
Winston: I'll get the trash bags.  
They frantically clean. Schmidt in one room. Winston, in the other. The whole loft was is disarray. So, Winston took a bag of trash and walked out. Moments later, Schmidt takes out a bag of trash.  
Schmidt: Winston! What are you doing out here?  
Winston: I took the trash out. What's the big deal?  
Schmidt: The big deal is, if you and I are here, who is with the baby?  
Winston: Yeah, I get that.  
They run back to the door.  
Schmidt: Come on, Winston! Hurry up.  
Winston: You aren't....look what you made me do!  
Schmidt: Get out of the way, let me handle this. Ah, it's jammed. I just need to (Clank)  
The key broke off in the lock.  
Schmidt: What are we going to do?  
Winston: Calm down.  
Schmidt: The baby is in there alone Winston!  
Winston: I know, but panicking won't help anything.  
Schmidt: Well, tell me what to do then. What do we do?  
Winston: I got this.  
He calls a locksmith.

Meanwhile Nick comes out of his room. He has been there all along.  
Nick: What, who are you and why are you here alone?  
The baby cries a bit.  
Nick: Wanna play with my keys?  
Nick plays with the baby  
Later, the baby is crying  
Nick: What do you want? Stop crying. Why won't you stop crying?  
The baby continues to cry. Then Nick starts crying.  
Nick: Pull it together man! I know, YouTube, I bet they can tell me what to do.  
After watching a few videos. We see him trying different things like, cut to  
Nick singing an inappropriate song.  
Scaring him with one of Jess' dolls. He cries.  
Trying to play hide and seek. The baby just sits on the ground.  
Gives him ice cream, the baby just stares at him.  
Meanwhile  
Schmidt: Where is this locksmith Winston?!  
Winston: I don't know man. He said he was on his way.  
Schmidt: Well he better get here soon. I'm freaking out!  
Winston: It's gonna be okay, Schmidt. He is going to come and he is going to unlock the door so we can get to the baby, before.....  
Schmidt: What?! You....  
Cece: What's going on? Why are you locked out and why isn't the baby with you?  
Winston and Schmidt: Well, see....what happened....we were cleaning up....the trash...  
Cece: One at a time. Schmidt, what is going on? When I called you twenty minutes ago, you said everything was good.  
Schmidt: I know I did.  
Cece: Well, then. Why?  
Schmidt: I know how much you want to have kids and I thought if you found out that I locked the baby inside, that...that....  
Cece: What? That because of this, I would change my mind? You are my husband Schmidt. I chose you. Fot better or worse, we are stuck with each other.  
Schmidt: I know, but I don't think I can be a good dad, Cece.  
Cece: Did I ever tell you about the time I babysat Nadia's baby?  
Schmidt: No.  
Cece: Yeah, well when I was watching him, he rolled off the couch onto the floor, twice.  
Schmidt: Haha....really?  
Cece: Yeah, the point is, I don't know anything about being a parent either. We are going to make mistakes, but we can make them together.

The locksmith just left. They rush in.  
Cece, Schmidt: Tom!  
They run frantically looking for him. They are making a lot of noise and a mess.  
Nick: What is going on? I just got the baby to sleep.  
Schmidt: The baby?  
Winston: Where did you come from? How long have you been here?  
Nick: My room, I have been here all day.  
Schmidt: Well then, why did you ignore us when we called you to help with the baby stuff earlier?  
Nick: Well, I think that's obvious.  
Cece: That you were too lazy to help, yeah.  
Schmidt: So, the baby, he is okay?  
Nick: Where were you guys? Babies need attention.  
Winston: We know that!  
Nick: I was just saying...  
Schmidt: Nick!  
Nick: He okay. What's the big deal? It's a baby not a ya know....  
Schmidt: Nick, I swear if...  
Cece: What Schmidt is trying to say, is that you don't have the best track record with shall we say, living things.  
Flashback to his cactus dying, putting up lost dog posters, a goldfish being flushed.  
Nick: He's fine. He is taking a nap in Jess' room.  
Cece: Why Jess' room?  
Nick: Well, my room isn't really baby proofed, and Winston's room could give anyone nightmares.  
Winston: What?!  
Schmidt: I think he is referring to that big ugly scary mural on your wall.  
Winston: You told me you liked it.  
Schmidt: No, I believe my exact words were, what on earth were you thinking?  
Winston: I know, that's what I'm talking about. (They look at him and shake their heads) What, that's not a good thing?

Later the day on Saturday, the loft is disheveled, the couple is asleep on the couch. The baby is playing to himself in the pack and play. Jess comes in.  
Jess: Hey you. Welcome baby. (He starts to cry)  
Schmidt and Cece bolt awake.  
Both: Wha? Is everything? Jess!  
Jess: Don't worry, me and the baby  
Both: Tom!  
Jess: Tom and I are just getting antiquated. (She picks up the baby, who is crying more. He is clearly upset)  
Cece quickly takes the baby.  
Schmidt: You're getting antiquated, he is freaking out.  
Jess: You are over reacting. I'm a professional. Kids love me. Trust me. You know what? I bet it's my new purfume. Kids react to odors more so than adults. I remember this one time...  
Schmidt: I'm going to stop you right there.  
Jess: So, you know what I'm talking about?  
Schmidt: I don't know, I've literally stopped listening.  
Cece: Babe, it's going to be fine.  
Schmidt: Well, that's it.  
Cece: What?  
Schmidt: I can't go.  
Cece: Oh, you are going!  
Schmidt: How Cece? She was going to babysit for us.  
Cece: Jess has this covered. Right Jess? (She gives her a look)  
Jess: Go, I have everything under control.  
Nick: Plus, I'll be around in case she needs back up. (He says from behind them)  
Both Schmidt and Cece: Nick! What?  
Cece: Where did you come from?  
Nick: What? I've been here for like twenty minutes?  
Cece: Did you watch us sleep?  
Nick: Today?  
Schmidt: What? How often do you watch us sleep.  
Nick: What do you mean by often?  
Both horrified: Nick!  
Nick: I don't know what the big deal is? I have been watching you sleep since college.  
Schmidt: What?!  
Nick: You know, I think we are getting off topic. I can help Jess.  
Jess: Guys, I don't need help. I'm a child educator.  
Cece: Babe we know, we would just feel more comfortable...  
Schmidt: Okay, Nick. Thanks. But don't think we are done talking about you spying on us.

Later that evening. The baby is on the floor, in Jess' room playing. There is a crash and bang.  
Nick: Ouch!  
Jess runs to see. Jess: Nick, what's going...  
Nick: I think I sprained my wrist.  
Jess: And banged up your face pretty bad. What were you doing?  
Nick: Nothing.  
Jess: Nick!  
Nick: I was exercising.  
Jess: Exercising?  
Nick: Yeah, I decided to get into shape.  
Jess: Nick!  
Nick: Okay. I was trying to go from the couch to the refrigerator.  
Jess: Last time I checked, that didn't involve a bloody nose. (She is cleaning up his face at this point.)  
Nick: Yeah, it does when you don't touch the floor.  
Jess: Are you serious? There is like five feet between the couch and table.  
Nick: Seven feet.  
Jess: Don't say that with pride. You have to grow up Nick.  
Nick: If growing up, means having no fun, then I want no part of it.  
Clang  
Jess: Tom!  
Nick: What?!  
Jess: We forgot Tom. (She says, running down the hall way)  
Tom is sitting on her floor, covered in colors, from Jess' markers he found and glitter that he knocked off Jess' table. Jess' floor and wall is a mess.  
Jess: Tom!  
He starts crying. She goes to pick him up, it doesn't help.  
Nick: Gimme him.  
He takes the baby, he is still fussy and doesn't like it when Nick trys to clean him up. So he sings to him.  
Nick: (Singing) When you are out on the road, feeling lonly and so cold. All you have to do is call my name and I'll be there, on the next train.  
Jess: You told me you didn't like that show.  
Nick: I don't. I only watched it when we were dating. I was trying to be a good boyfriend.  
Jess: You were. I can't believe you stopped watching when you did. I mean the end of season five.  
Nick: You kept our deal, right?  
Jess: Yeah, yeah....no one knows. I don't know what the big deal is, guys can watch.  
Nick: I didn't watch, I sat with you while you watched Luke lie to Lorelai about April.  
Jess: Ah ha!  
Nick: Ah ha, what?  
Jess: The last episode we watched was 522, we don't meet April till season six!  
Nick: So, I happened to see something when I walked through the living room.  
Jess: We'll just see about that. (She goes to look at Nick's Netflix page)  
Nick: What are you doing? There is no need to....  
Jess: I knew it!  
Nick: Okay, it wasn't because I liked it. It was because I don't like to leave things, you know, I like to finish what I started.  
We see a flashback to a really sad looking but finished model of a boat, a crossword puzzle that looks like it took a lot of time and is still mostly wrong, and a song that looks like it was written by a five year old.  
The newlyweds come home and see Nick alseep on the couch, holding the baby, Jess is asleep on the floor next to the couch. They take the baby and leave them to sleep.  
Jess: (Waking up) Nick!  
Nick: Starts singing, "where you lead, I will follow"  
Jess: Nick, the baby. He's gone.  
Schmidt: Will you keep it down. We have a baby.  
They are both releived and just go back to sleep without moving.

The next morning  
Ally: Okay Winston, ready to go?  
Winston: Ally! Change in plans.  
Ally: A change...  
Winston: Yeah, see with the baby here, the guys haven't had much sleep or quiet so I told them that we would take them for the morning.  
Ally: We?!  
They pull into the driveway.  
Ally: I can't.  
Winston: Yes you can. I know you. You are the most, best person I know.  
Ally: Most best? And I can not. A mommy and me class? What were you thinking?  
Winston: It was on Tom's schedule and we can not deviate from the schedule.  
Ally: I get that but what am I doing here?  
Winston: Well, I haven't seen you all week and I can not go another week without seeing you due to you working nights all month.  
Ally: I know just kids, babies and me, they just don't mix.  
Winston: Babies love you. Don't worry. Let's go.

A Mommy and Me Class  
They are all singing to the babies, Winston is like a proud papa. Ally looks as out of place as anyone could be.  
Winston: Tom, what's the matter buddy? You need your pacifier? Hungry? Need a new diaper? (He won't stop crying) Here take him while I get his bottle ready.  
He hands Tom over to Ally who looks terrified, he immediately stops crying.  
Ally: Wha? Winston! What is happening?  
Winston: Look at that, he likes you.  
Ally: He does not. He doesn't even know me.  
Winston: Babies are very intuitive.  
Ally: Babies are not that smart, they are babies! They smile and laugh at the stupidest things.  
Flashback  
Teenage Ally is babysitting. What are you laughing at? That cup is not funny. Elmo really?!  
Ally: Just take him.  
Winston: Okay. (Tom starts crying, holding out his arms) See!  
Ally: What? He doesn't like me. He can't like me.  
Winston: (He pulls her aside, so they are alone) What are you talking about?  
Ally: I'm not a kid person you know that.  
Winston: Well, I'm sure it will be different with our own kid.  
Ally: That's just it. I don't want kids.  
Winston: What? Why?  
Ally: What if our kids don't like me? I'm not you know comfortable with kids and babies.  
Winston: They will loove you.  
Ally: Winston.  
Winston: They will love you. There is no question in my mind.  
Ally: You are just saying that cause Tom seems to like me. (He is now asleep in her arms)

Later  
Ally: Winston, what are we doing here? We have a baby. You do realize that?  
Winston: Just because we have a baby, the fun doesn't stop and I wanted you to know that. So I thought I would take you to your favorite place and show you that even with a baby, you can still be you and we can still be us. Cause things will change, no doubt about that, but you will never loose yourself.  
We see them inside a really big trampoline park. Winston has Tom in a baby sling. All tight and secure. They start bouncing around and he seems to like it. Then we see Ally bouncing around looking super happy. Now Winston is doing back flips and so on, while Ally watches with the baby. Then they show the baby how to bounce, even though he can barley stand. Now Ally jumps with the baby and he is laughing a lot.

The Loft  
Schmidt: Where are they?!  
Cece: I don't know babe. I have been right here with you.  
Schmidt: I knew we shouldn't have let Winston take the baby.  
Cece: Calm down Schmidt, I'm sure they are okay.  
Buzz  
Schmidt: Ahh...  
Cece: Schmidt!  
Kim: I'm downstairs.  
Cece: Come on up.  
She buzzes her in. Schmidt is sweating it out.  
Cece: Come on in.  
Kim: How was he?  
Cece: He was good, very easy to take care of. He is such a happy baby.  
Kim: I was talking about your husband.  
Cece: Well, he is not a happy baby.  
Kim: Well, okay. I don't want to take up any more of your time so....  
Schmidt: What's your rush? We want to hear about your trip Kim.  
Kim: Are you stalling?  
Schmidt: Wha, wh, why would I need to stall everything is fine. Look at these pictures, Tom had a blast.  
Kim looks at the pictures, amused. For a brief moment it works. Then she sees her son bouncing up and down on a trampoline, strapped to a strange woman's chest.  
Kim: What is this?  
Schmidt: What is what?  
Cece: Oh it looks like Winston added pictures to the google album.  
Kim: Who is this woman? Why is she putting my son in danger?  
Schmidt: Winston!  
Cece: Calm down Kim. That is Ally, Winston's girlfriend and she is a cop. Tom is perfectly safe.  
Kim: He is with them now? Next thing you know they will take him sky diving.  
The next picture is of them rock wall climbing with Tom.  
Cece: Haha, never.  
Quickly closes the album before Kim can see.  
Winston: We are back!  
Kim: Where is he?  
Winston: He is right here.  
Kim grabs him and checks him over to make sure he is okay.  
Kim: He seems to be okay. Even so, wait till you come back to work on Monday Schmidt.  
Schmidt: Yes, of course.

Later....  
Schmidt: Okay, so this is good. I have been needing to look for a change in jobs for a while.  
Cece: Babe, you don't even know that you are being fired.  
Schmidt: I know but I think it's about time. Maybe I should open my own business. I mean, there will never be a better time. Our house is done, and we are ready to move in, our debt is to a minimum, thanks to all the extra work we took on and we haven't started our family yet.  
Cece: About that...........


End file.
